Super Mario RPG: Rewritten
by The Trumpet Thief
Summary: A rewrite of a classic videogame. Corny sense of humour included. Please R & R.
1. Chapter 1

_Chapter One_

As the sun started to hide behind the clouds, which were getting darker by the second, Peach felt like it was time to go back inside. She turned her head towards Mario's pad, and heard his loud snoring from his bed, and she giggled to herself. The snoring itself actually caused the monsters in Mushroom way to become destructive and attack all who passed. Peach lifted herself up from the ground, looked at her arrangement of pretty flowers, and started making her way to the pad.

Bowser: No, Goomba, you're heading the wrong way! No No, you push down to go up, idiot!

Peach saw Bowser's Koopa Kart swarming in the air, and heading right towards her. She started rushing towards the pad.

Goomba: Sorry master. I'm new to this!

Bowser: Sorry isn't good enough! How am I ever going to reach Peach now?

A dejected, defeated man, Bowser took control of the wheel, and with one beautiful swoop, he brought himself up from the ground, and straight up.

Bowser: We barely have enough juice to make it back to the keep. Looks like we'll have to make the trip tomorrow, and it's all YOUR FAULT!

Goomba's usually straight face went down to a frown as he heard that from Bowser. Saddened, he leaned against the back of the Koopa Kart, only to suddenly squirm up.

Goomba: BOWSER! I like the padding on your Kart!

Bowser: That's not padding you idiot! That's just Princess Peach.

Goomba looked back and saw her.

Goomba: BOWSER! … my bad.

Bowser: Well, we can always get her to--- wait, that's Princess Peach right?

Goomba: Yeah? So what? I don't understand.

Bowser looked at her body. She was knocked out by the impact of the Kart, and she lay there on the ground of the Koopa Kart with her rich blonde hair waving in the wind.

Bowser: Looks like we won't have to go on that trip tomorrow, buddy! We have THE Princess Peach!

Bowser started to get teary eyed from looking back at her in between driving the Kart.

Bowser: C'mon Goombs. I'm taking you out for chocolate covered shells with a Koopa sundae!

Goomba's face lit up, and Bowser's stayed the same: completely overjoyed. He couldn't help but look back at the knocked out Peach over and over again. It gave both of them a sense of accomplishment, and relief that Mario isn't out chasing after them. The Kart turned around, and they started whizzing towards Rose Town to get their after kidnapping meal. On the way to Rose Town, the Kart bumped into Mario's Pad, but both Goomba and Bowser were too busy dancing around to notice.

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Exor: When will we strike Master?

In a more twisted world, with metal creatures everywhere, rested Smithy's crew. The sky was always dark, and they got happiness by invading other areas and taking over. Behind Exor stood a mass array of villains. And in front of him…

Smithy: Hahah…hahahah…hahaha…haha…ACHATATATATATA!

Exor: Yes, yes, indeed. Haha…

Smithy: SILENCE! We will attack when we can make the most commotion! We need to send the message of Smithy! We need people to FEEL the wrath of my gang and me.

Exor: Yes. Besides, the pizza man isn't even here yet.

Smithy: Exactly. We can't attack on empty stomachs.

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The impact on Mario's house was devasting. A hole in his perfectly built home, as well as tons of pictures and objects hung on the wall knocked down. Mario, still, lay in the bed sleeping.

The Koopa Kart, meanwhile, had already flown quite a distance, and since Bowser forgot there was little energy left in it, the Kart collapsed at the entrance of Rose Town. The residents were asleep, and now, the sky was pitch black. Everything was closed, except for one store.

Goomba: There it is!

Goomba nudged his head in the direction of the "All Night Restaurant". Both Goomba and Bowser hopped out of the Kart, leaving Peach lying there. Despite the crash, the town was unaffected.

Bowser: You know. I've always dreamt about celebrating after kidnapping Peach. It would be great, but always, she would either sneak away or get saved by Mario. That's what really brought me down.

Goomba: Yeah, thank goodness that won't happen today.

Both reached the restaurant, and began chowing down. The owner was willing to pay free after being asked if he wanted to accept the money and also a spike jammed into his head. Just as Goomba was finishing up his meal, both him and Bowser still laughing, a lone arrow hit Goomba.

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Bowyer: Kyahahaha! Hit him good I did indeed.

At the table, all of Smithy's crew was gathered around, chowing down on their pre-destroying the Earth pizza.

Smithy: Bowyer! Not yet you meddling fool!

Bowyer: Kyahaha! Made a statement I definetly did!

Axem Red: Sit

Axem Black: Down

Axem Green: And

Axem Pink: Eat

Axem Yellow: Your

Megazord: PIIZZA!

Axem Yellow: MMM, Pizza.

Smithy: Well said Axem Rangers. We shall invade when a certain someone makes it back to his keep. Hehe… ACHATATATATATA!

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Goomba: I can't move! I can't move! HELP ME BOWSER! HELP ME! I WANT MY GOOMAMAMY! I WANT MY GOOMAMAMY!

Bowser looked at his buddy with a shocked expression on his usually evil face.

Bowser: Besides the fact that you can't move, you've got an arrow lodged in your head kid!

Goomba: AHHH! GET IT OUT BOWSER!

Bowser placed his hand on his chin, stroking his invisible goatee. Goomba's screaming was starting to wake up the residents of Rose Town.

Bowser: First of all, Goomba. It looks pretty cool. And second, all you need is a couple of roller-skates and you can get around anywhere. Can you move your foot? Even slightly?

Goomba started to wiggle his foot.

Goomba: Yeah, sorta; but nothing else!

Bowser: Peeeeerfect! I'll be right back!

As Goomba watched from inside the restaurant, the exact same spot from where the arrow pierced the glass ceiling, and hit Goomba, he saw Bowser tiptoeing to the Kart. About five minutes later, he saw Bowser emerge with some Roller-skates, and a very annoyed expression on his face. He brought the skates to Goomba and then put them on him.

Bowser: Goomba, she's---

Goomba: Oh man this is so cool! Can I be called SpikedSkaterGoombs?

Bowser: Sure kid, but look---

SpikedSkaterGoombs: And can I get my own boss theme?

Bowser: Sure, knock yourself out kid, but listen, Peach has---

SpikedSkaterGoombs: And can they face me in multiple battles?

Bowser: LISTENN!

SpikedSkaterGoombs: Hey, Bowser, why are you crying?

Bowser: PEACH IS GONE! WE WERE CELEBRATING TOO LONG!

SpikedSkaterGoombs:….

Bowser:….

SpikedSkaterGoombs: Maybe we should---

Bowser: Get her?

SpikedSkaterGoombs: Yeah.

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_Yeah, definetly corny, I know. But this game is so good that I didn't want to totally change everything. I was actually contemplating making a "rewrite" with Mario is a drug addict, Mallow an emo child, Geno as a psychotic, Bowser, a perv, and Peach an Airhead (which she is), but I decided to go with the whole cutesy-humour thing._

_I hope you enjoyed! Read and Review!_

_Disclaimer- I don't own Mario, SE, or all that crap. _


	2. Chapter 2

_Chapter Two_

Both Bowser and Goomb---er, SpikedSkaterGoombs ran towards the Kart.

Bowser: Wait, we're out of gas! Is there a gas station nearby?

SpikedSkaterGoombs: Perhaps. But how did she escape anyways?

Right as he said that, Rose Town's Old Geezer popped up behind them.

Bowser: Gah, who are you!

Old Geezer: Never mind that, young chap. Your apprentice's question can be answered. According to my calculations, the damage that Princess Peach took from the attack of your Kart put her in a "Knocked Out" state for about one hour. She regained consciousness while you and your friend were gone, and was barely able to escape. She could've, at most, gotten a kilometer away.

Bowser: And could you direct us to a gas station anywhere close?

Old Geezer pointed his beard in the direction of the small gas station in the corner of Rose Town.

SpikedSkaterGoombs: Wow, I guess there are two late night places over here.

Bowser: Yeah, well, we'd better hurry. Thanks for the help Geezer; it might not be much, but take this.

Bowser handed the Old Geezer some fertilizer, and both him and SpikedSkaterGoombs headed for the gas station.

Old Geezer: F…fff…fert….ferti…fertilizer? Is this the sacred fertilizer? Thefertilizerthatmygrandpaandgreatgrandpatoldmeaboutinstoriesinmybackyard,andmybrotheralwaysantedandhahaibeathimIgotthefertilizerandIcanusethisohmygodontheplantandittwillreachtheskiesandpiercethecloudsandohmygodtheferilizer!

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Back in the factory, Smithy was leading a meeting. Axem Yellow was still hogging out on the remaining pieces of pizza, and the leftover crusts at the table while Smithy was delivering a speech.

Smithy: Only a few more minutes, my crew. A few more minutes and we will enter a whole new world! A world that we can take over in a blink of an eye. We can transform it into a machine kingdom! We can try all of their unique tastes, and claim them for ourselves! We can take all of their inventions and claim them as our own as well! We can steal the Krabby Patty secret formula!

Boomer: Uh, sir?

Smithy: Sorry… too much Spongebob. Anyways: most important of all, we can take their race, and wipe it out! Hahahaha!

Countdown: I can't wait, Smithy! I can't wait; let's invade now!

Smithy: Patience Countdown!

Dingaling started ringing violently.

Dingaling: Time is now 11:24. 6 minutes to Earth invasion.

Exor: See, Countdown? Why can't you be more like your brother, Dingaling?

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After getting the Kart filled up, Bowser quickly took the wheel and him and SpikedSkaterGoombs flew off into the air without any problems, despite all the times they crashed. After traveling for five minutes, and passing through many areas, SpikedSkaterGoombs was able to spot her.

SpikedSkaterGoombs: There she is!

Bowser swooped the Kart down and picked up what looked to be Princess Peach, but was actually Daisy.

Princess Daisy: I need a BIG favor from you guys. I left Sarasaland and now they won't let me pass the world border back into it. Plus, I'm 300,000 dollars in debt!

Bowser sighed and pushed her off as she landed on a trampoline, which sent her flying into the middle of nowhere.

Princess Daisy: I'm going to Sarasaland, riiiiiight!

Bowser: About a 50/50 chance!

Bowser yelled that back as she went out of sight. SpikedSkaterGoombs shrugged.

Bowser: Don't make that kind of mistake again!

SpikedSkaterGoombs: Sorry sir. But it's pitch black outside and it's really hard to find…. HER!

Bowser: What!

SpikedSkaterGoombs nudged his head in the direction of Mario's Pad, where both of them saw Peach desperately crawling back to Mario, shouting his name. Mario was not awoken.

SpikedSkaterGoombs: There! There! There!

SpikedSkaterGoombs kept screaming that and keep pointing his head in that direction until his roller-skates pushed him so forward that he fell off the Koopa Kart, and started plummeting into the ground.

Bowser: Aww geez, you keep getting yourself hurt, kid! Why'd I let you join the Koopa Troop anyways?

Bowser got rid of his thoughts, and through the fog of the night, maneuvered the Koopa Kart down towards Mario's pad. Even from all the commotion and Peach's cries, Mario wasn't waking up.

Bowser: I could scoop her in, but she's about to make it into the pad…

Just as Peach was about to make it into the door, SpikedSkaterGoombs landed head first, but it was the spike that hit the ground. Peach shrieked louder than she ever had before.

SpikedSkaterGoombs: Man, this arrow saved my life!

Bowser took control of this situation and tried to scoop both of them in, just as SpikedSkaterGoombs freed his head (arrow) from the ground. As he did, Bowser went straight down, then curved up again to get both Peach and SpikedSkaterGoombs into the Kart. It didn't exactly work out this way. The Kart hit Peach's head, knocking her out again, and although he did scoop both of them in, he took in a lot of dirt, ground, and rocks too, and crashed into Mario's house.

Bowser: Woohoo! We got her back! I think I'm going to cry!

As they flew off, a few of the rocks fell down and hit Mario right in the head. They didn't wake him up. Then, suddenly, he heard the sound of a mosquito buzzing around his room, and he suddenly jolted up.

Mario: What the… hey-a, vere's a Peacha?

Mario looked through the hole in his roof to just barely make out the Koopa Kart escaping and Bowser and SpikedSkaterGoombs jumping around the Kart.

Mario: Gah… so long ze Bowser!

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Mario yelled out those words like his battle cry, and jumped out of his house and ran through the night. Mario sprinted right behind the Koopa Kart above him, and he knew right away that Bowser was heading for the Keep.

Yaridovich: We have just received word, Smithy, that Bowser and Mario are going to make it to the keep momentarily.

Yaridovich was split into six people, as Smithy ordered them to, and after Smithy's speech, all his gang did was sit around and wait.

Countdown: Oh thank goodness!

Dingaling: It is 11:30. Time for Meteor…err… time to invade Earth.

Smithy: Well then Exor, it's time for you and me to strike. You know what to do!

Exor: Of course! I pierce through the Star Road and send all of them scattered across the world except for one. Then, I hit the Keep and make a portal from our Factory to the world. Then, whomever steps up to the challenge, can try to gather the Star Pieces, which will be, will probably be reached by our crew earlier, and when we encounter whoever wants to be a "superhero", we can destroy them!

Smithy: Peeerfect!

Smelter: I brush my teeth everyday! Anyways, why don't we just take all the Stars from Star Road earlier instead of scattering them and letting our crew seek them out?

Exor: You need really good aim for that stuff.

Smithy: Yeah. There's only like, maybe, two giant swords in the whole world that could like pull that off.

Exor: Yeah, it needs tons of practice, but hey, I'm getting there.

Smithy: Yes, you're definitely improving.

Exor: Okay, so now I should—

Smithy: Yeah, definitely, attack them.

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Bowser: We're just about to make it… Yes, we made it in! A successful kidnapping!

SpikedSkaterGoombs: Yeah! We'd better put on some pretty heavy security, Hmm?

Bowser: No… I feel like I can take him.

SpikedSkaterGoombs: Isn't that what you said the other eleven attempts?

Bowser: Grr… you…. Fine!

As both of them lowered the Koopa Kart into Bowser's room, located in the depths of the castle, Princess Peach started to stir.

SpikedSkaterGoombs: So, how are your kids doing?

Bowser: Well, Bowser Jr. is still a youngen' and I ain't getting him involved into fighting yet, but he'll get there. My son Lemmy just recently bought some land and built an area called "Lemmy's Land" on it, Iggy Koopa---

Peach: Bowser! Why can't you leave me alone!

Bowser and SpikedSkaterGoombs both immediately jolted as Princess Peach regained consciousness for the second time. The Koopa Kart had reached the ground.

Bowser: I can't help it! You're stuck in my mind all day! My kids need a mother, and well…

Peach: That's gross!

Bowser: Don't you understand? I need a happy family, but lately, my kids haven't gotten that. I feel like if I don't give this to them, they would've lived an incomplete life.

SpikedSkaterGoombs looked towards Peach, who still had an angry expression on her face.

Bowser: Don't you understand? This is more than just some stupid evil plot! I care about my kids!

Peach: I'm barely eighteen! Teen sensation!

Bowser: Gah, I forgot you're in an airhead. Well, forget it, you'll GET accustomed after I destroy Mario!

At this right exact moment, Mario stepped into the room. SpikedSkaterGoombs tied up Peach from behind using his roller-skates (somehow), as she started squirming, and Bowser gave Mario a glare.

Bowser: YOU! How did you get passed the Koopa Troops!

Mario: It was-a easy! They had-a very little HP!

Bowser: Very well then. C'mon SpikedSkaterGoombs, I'm sure you'd work great as a weapon.

SpikedSkaterGoombs: I bet I would!

Bowser and SpikedSkaterGoombs (holding Peach) climbed up onto the Chandelier, and SpikedSkaterGoombs tied Peach to it (again with the roller-skates).

Peach: This is, like really dangerous!

Bowser stared down at Mario.

Bowser: Come up here you coward! And I'll finish you off!

Bowser grabbed SpikedSkaterGoombs and held him in his arms, pointing him forward, as a weapon.

Mario: You-a calla me-a coward? I show you!

Mario jumped onto the Chandelier right beside Bowser's, and both stared each other down, ready to battle.

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_And thereso ends another chapter. It will pick up. I promise. Please don't kill me xD_

_Read and Review, and please be gentle. _

_I do not own Mario, SE, all that crap._


	3. Chapter 3

_Chapter Three_

ENTER BATTLE SCREEN

Mario's HP: 20

Bowser's HP: 100

Chinklink's HP: 15

Peach: Mario help!

Mario looked back at her and raised an eyebrow.

Mario: What do you-a think I'm doin'?

Bowser, from the opposite chandelier, with SpikedSkaterGoombs in hand, butted in.

Bowser: Sorry to excuse you both, but you'll have to get through me!

Bowser- Spikes Shot to Mario- 3 dmg

Mario: Owww! I'm a going to-a have to get stitched!

Bowser: Hahaha! Take that! See, I'm winning!

Chinklink started waving violently.

Chinklink: Look at me! I'm nuts!

Peach: Mario! Hit the chain! Hit the chain Mario!

Mario- Jump to Chinklink- 7 dmg

Chinklink: Hey man, that's not cool.

Bowser: Huh? Not the chain!

SpikedSkaterGoombs: Would this be a good time to use me, sir?

Bowser: Most certainly!

Bowser reared back and sent SpikedSkaterGoombs right into Mario. Mario's chandelier started waving violently.

Bowser- SpikedGoombs shot to Mario- 8 dmg

Mario held his chest in pain as Peach continued blabbing about the chain.

Mario: Okay! Okay! I-a get it!

Mario- Jump to Chinklink- 9dmg

Bowser: Oh no! He broke it!

SpikedSkaterGoombs- Jump onto the other chain!

EXIT BATTLE SCREEN

Bowser, grabbing SpikedSkaterGoombs, made a long jump, landing with a thud on Mario's chandelier. Bowser and SpikedSkaterGoombs both turned around and Bowser saluted Chinklink. While they were doing that, Mario had already freed Peach.

Peach went up to Bowser and slapped him across the face. Bowser got teary eyed.

Peach: Mario has whooped you for what, your eleventh time?

SpikedSkaterGoombs: Thirteenth.

Bowser: Shut up!

Peach: Well, why don't you just give it up Bowser?

Bowser: Never!

Bowser with SpikedSkaterGoombs in hand, lunged at Mario, but Mario jumped over him and pushed him down onto the chandelier. Bowser and his buddy were dangerously close to falling off.

Bowser: Gah! Not again!

SpikedSkaterGoombs: Wow! My first taste at a loss to Mario. It seems… bittersweet.

Mario and Peach both looked down to the two defeated enemies.

Peach: Like Mario. Totally finish him off.

Bowser: No!

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Exor: Sir, I'm about to drop. Position me right at the center of the Star Road.

Smithy: Alrighty Exor. Land safely.

Inside the Factory, a giant machine held up Exor, as the entire Smithy gang saluted him. The machine then dropped Smithy, who was able to break through the floor, and head straight for Mario's world.

Mario reared back, trying to get some energy in his legs for the jump that he believed would be able to destroy Bowser once and for all. Down below, all of the Koopa Kids were awoken. With the exception of Lemmy Koopa, who was busy managing his amusement park at the time, but visited usually, all of "Dad's" kids, who were out most of the day, and only came back to the Keep for sleeping, were watching the fight.

Iggy Koopa: Hehe, I bet I could take him.

Larry Koopa: I hope I can mug him after the fight.

Ludwig Von Koopa: Perhaps if dad could make his arms four-hundred times longer, and could have massive power, and with a few devices, and a proton nucleus, he could put Chinklink back together.

Morton Koopa: Mario is a bbbbbbad man.

Roy Koopa: Aww put a sock in it Morton. I could beat Mario blindfolded with my arms behind my back and my legs cuffed.

Wendy O. Koopa: Sheesh, look at Peach. She so totally stole that look from me!

Bowser Jr.: Maybe I should become Metal Mario and help him.

Exor soared through the sky, and within a blink of an eye, easily broke through the barrier of the Star Road, sending six stars flying throughout the world, and one inside Bowser's Keep. After that, Exor continued falling, and into the Castle. The chandelier, in the center of the room, broke right in the center, and Mario, Peach and SpikedSkaterGoombs all went flying.

Mario: Mamamamamamia! Peach!

Peach: Mario! SAAAAAVE ME!

SpikedSkaterGoombs: Cool, I'm flying!

Bowser hung on, watching all of them be sent off, as he called for SpikedSkaterGoombs. Finally, the chandelier gave way and was sent flying out the window with Bowser hanging off of it.

Bowser: Kids! Stay with Thwomp Whomp at Monstro Town! He'll look out for yooouuu!

Bowser's kids looked in shock, as their dad was gone.

Bowser Jr.: Dadddy!

Roy Koopa: Calm down sport. He's a tough man. He must get it from me. Hahaha.

Wendy O. Koopa: That's low Roy. But what's even lower is that stupid Peach didn't get destroyed. GOSH!

Iggy Koopa: Let me at him! Let me at that stupid Mario.

Iggy tripped over a piece of the fallen chandelier, landed face first, and started crying.

Larry Koopa: Cool! I found a wallet!

Ludwig Von Koopa: Perhaps we should notify Lemmy about this. He'll be coming home soon.

Morton: But I don't have a ccccelll phone!

Ludwig Von Koopa: Well, we don't want him to show up confused.

Wendy O. Koopa: I've got a cell phone… but I don't wanna add on to the bill.

Roy Koopa: Aww, just put a sock in it. Lemmy can figure it out by himself.

Suddenly, Fawful showed up out of nowhere.

Fawful: I HAVE FURY!

Bowser Jr.: Wrong game Fawful.

Fawful: Awww.

Fawful flew off, back to the Superstar Saga. And the children, without their father, walked out of the keep, and headed for Monstro Town.

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_I think that Battle System thing will pick up sooner or later. _

_Read and Review and Please be gentle._

_I do not own Mario, SE, all that crap._


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